If you are reading this at 3 a.m., your mind is probably trapped in a painful loop. You are searching for a sign, a reason, or some kind of comparison. You keep asking the question that cuts straight through your chest:

“Does he actually love her? Is he thinking about his mistress right now?”

To survive this stage, you need to understand one difficult truth: A narcissist’s “love” is not an emotion — it is a transaction.

1. The Mirror, Not the Person

When you see your wayward spouse parading a new person, it can look like a soulmate connection. But you must understand this: the narcissist does not see the affair partner as a human being with flaws, limits, and inner depth. To him, she is a mirror.

He is addicted to the high of “new supply.” He craves the feeling of seeing himself reflected in her eyes as “misunderstood,” “wronged,” or even “heroic.” Many women wonder, “how often does a married man think about his mistress?” The truth is, he isn’t thinking about her—he is thinking about the hit of dopamine he gets from her attention. He does not love her; he loves the version of himself she is currently validating. It is a drug, and she is simply the pharmacy of the moment.

Did you miss the previous steps? Start from the beginning:

👉 Read Chapter 1: The Anatomy of Betrayal

About the author: Olivia J.

Founder of CheatedWomen.com, she launched this platform after personally confronting the emotional, psychological, and social impact of infidelity. With a background in media and human-centered projects, she turned her own pain into purpose—creating a space where women can safely share, support each other, and heal. Her vision is to empower betrayed women with knowledge, community, and strength.